


Say You Love Me

by panpipe



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Booseoksoon Are Friends, Hand Jobs, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Seokmin Has Terrible Plans, Seungkwan Is an Idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-04
Updated: 2019-03-04
Packaged: 2019-11-09 00:02:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17991044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panpipe/pseuds/panpipe
Summary: Seungkwan rubs at his nose, glaring. “There are other ways to wake me up,” he mumbles petulantly, affecting the baby voice he’s gotten so good at.Yes, says the voice that appeared around the time Vernon realized his feelings,a kiss would work.He ignores it, like he always does, pretends he’s never thought about Seungkwan’s lips while he lay there, staring at his face before waking. Pretends he’s never wondered how soft they might be, that he hadn’t taken notice of the way they weren’t chapped like his own, that he didn’t know with unerring clarity that was due to the fact that unlike Vernon, Seungkwan actually took his sisters’ advice for skincare. He pretends he’s never thought about putting a hand against Seungkwan’s hips, rubbing at the skin until he wakes up and notices.“None of them are this fun,” Vernon replies instead.****Vernon is in love with his best friend.





	Say You Love Me

**Author's Note:**

> Vernon and Seungkwan are in love and you cannot convince me otherwise. I love unrequited feelings that are actually requited. Thanks to [@kittykooks](http://twitter.com/kittykooks) for helping me find the perfect TWICE song to name this after.
> 
> If you'd like to catch me on twitter I am [@jooniversity](http://twitter.com/jooniversity).

The thing about Boo Seungkwan is one can’t help but like him. 

It’s been this way for as long as Vernon has known him, which is longer than he likes admitting because it always starts the jokes of how they’re such a pair, how they’ll be together forever, how no one can come between them, and it makes things weird.

For him, that is.

Not for Seungkwan, who laughs and leans into the jokes, who grabs him around the shoulders and kisses his cheek until Vernon starts laughing too.

The problem is that when Hansol Vernon Chwe turned nineteen he realized he was in love with his best friend, and he hasn’t quite known what to do with himself ever since.

It’s been a year, and he’s still not sure. 

On the outside, nothing has changed. They’re still _living together_ , for God’s sake; he still sees Seungkwan in every possible moment, still watches him undress himself without a care, still sees him with a stupid face mask on and his hair pulled back into a small ponytail for his bangs, still listens to him talk about how attractive the members of TWICE are.

Like right now he’s talking about Jihyo, about her big round eyes, and, well, other things that are big and round, and he thinks about how he mostly isn’t those things.

He tries not to think about it, and lays back down on the sofa while he lets Seungkwan keep talking.

It’s not that Vernon has only ever found men attractive. In fact, he hadn’t really thought about it at all, really, the concept of attraction and gender, until one night in high school when he and Seungkwan were up late, talking about their ideal partners. He looks back on it and wonders how he didn’t realize it right then and there in the midst of those conversations, because he looks back now and realizes all he’d done was describe Boo Seungkwan. _God_ , he’d even said it out loud, thinking he was joking, that Seungkwan was his ideal type, and they’d _laughed_ and Seungkwan had pretended to kiss him. He’s a fucking idiot for not having realized this sooner.

That’s the problem with being best friends as long as he and Seungkwan have. When you finally figure out you’re desperately in love, it’s too late to say anything. Like, impossibly too late, because if acting on his feelings destroyed his friendship, he’d be completely lost without his other half.

He’s analyzed his feelings a lot since the realization hit him like a truck. He thinks about the fact that at this point, now that they’re both in their twenties, now that they’ve been friends since they were teenagers — that he and Seungkwan have done almost everything short of sleeping together — hell, they even kissed, once, as a joke. 

He has no idea how to discern whether or not what’s happening between them is normal or some weird sick fantasy he’s managed to turn into reality.

How do normal best friends act, when they’ve known each other as long as he and Seungkwan have? The closest he can get to having anyone for comparison is Soonyoung and Wonwoo, which is a fucking terrible comparison as those two actually dated, off and on.

Vernon isn’t quite sure what to do with that information, when he thinks about himself and Seungkwan. Does it mean that dating is inevitable? Does it mean it won’t work out? Does it mean that they’ll end up just like those two, in a weird, constantly shifting limbo?

The way that Soonyoung and Wonwoo are when they’re together is different, though. Maybe it’s _because_ they’ve dated, but something about their interactions seem so much more purposeful, so much easier to identify. Like, yeah, they’re flirting. Yeah, they want to fuck.

But with Seungkwan? It’s become so second-nature that they both hardly notice what’s happening. He’s had Seungkwan’s hands in his hair more times than he can count, and the light pressure of Seungkwan’s hand against his thigh is so normal he doesn’t even pay attention to it, doesn’t even react to it. When he needs reassurance, they hold hands and press their shoulders against each other, and Vernon doesn’t know how to identify if that’s just friendship or if it’s something more, something he needs to catalogue and confront.

He imagines it’s not normal, thinks it might be something more, because it is, it feels like it definitely is something more for him now, when he makes these gestures — but the issue is he doesn’t know what Seungkwan is thinking.

Does Seungkwan think it’s something more?

Which feels insane, wondering about that, because for the last five years of his life he’s felt like he’s known Seungkwan better than he knows himself. Knows what Seungkwan will do before he makes the first movement. 

But this? Knowing if it’s something more? Vernon can’t even begin to separate it, to identify it, to figure out what’s happening.

 

Which is fine. Because he doesn’t. Because he isn’t going to do anything with these feelings, and that’s fine too.

Right?

- 

They moved in together after high school, to save money. That’s what they’d said, that’s what had been true, and Vernon hasn’t bothered trying to do anything differently in the years since because it’s not like he could afford a place on his own, not right now, while they’re still in college.

They haven’t upgraded anything from when they first moved in, so it’s still their two separate blankets that they lay on the floor of their one bedroom apartment each night, which start off separate but so often end up tangled in each other. 

Normally, he doesn’t think too much about it, but sometimes, like today, he notices.

He notices because he’s woken up from a dream that’s left him hot and bothered, restless and erect. He wants nothing more than to wrangle his stupid cock into submission, to make it behave before Seungkwan wakes up and notices, but when he opens his eyes he’s staring directly at Seungkwan’s face. 

The same stupid fucking face that got him into this state to begin with, and unwittingly his brain flashes back to the mental image of Seungkwan orgasming, responding to Vernon’s hand, and his breath hitches.

Sometimes, it’s hard being roommates.

He weighs his options. He can attempt to solve math equations in his head, to think about his grandmother, to take deep breaths and try to regain his self control. He can also bolt to the bathroom, to the safety of the shower and take care of this there, one more guilty morning that Seungkwan doesn’t need to know about.

He stares at Seungkwan’s peacefully sleeping face, and chooses to do neither.

Because looking at Seungkwan like this, quiet for once, relaxed for a time, makes him wish he could stay and watch him longer.

So he does. Indulges himself. Watches him, smiling, thinking about the fact that he doesn’t often get to see this side of him; he doesn’t often get to catalogue his still features, to memorize them one by one and remember how hopelessly fucked in love he is with his best friend. 

He’s still hot and bothered, but content, and he checks how well the blankets hide what’s happening down below, and once he determines that to be “well enough” he pinches Seungkwan’s nose to wake him up.

Seungkwan wakes more violently than Vernon had anticipated, with a flailing of limbs and a yanking of the sheets so fast that Vernon barely has time to react and make sure he remains covered. The whole scene is ridiculous, comedic almost, and it breaks the weird mood he’d settled into this morning. He laughs at the absurdity of the situation: Seungkwan’s heavy breathing and his own panicked attempt to hide his erection, and it’s just _funny_.

“Why would you _do_ that?!” Seungkwan yells, out of breath, clutching at his chest. Normally, Vernon would say he’s doing that to be dramatic, but today, he can see the clear disoriented fear in Seungkwan’s expression. “I thought I was dying!” he exclaims.

Vernon remains on the floor, tightly wrapped in the blanket he’d managed to keep, because while he’s not nearly as hard as he was when he’d woken up, he doesn’t think it’s a good idea to be standing with only the thin fabric of his boxers just yet. He shrugs, still grinning, still finding the entire situation hilarious.

He used to hate smiling when he was younger because kids are cruel, and they made fun of him for his teeth. Then he’d met Seungkwan, who had told him that was silly and he had a beautiful smile, and Vernon had been fine with it ever since.

He thinks now that perhaps that should have told him something then. Another mark in the “Vernon is a dumbass” column.

Instead of dwelling on the past, he focuses on their plans for the day. Seungkwan has a tendency to lose track of time, so he’s gotten in the habit of taking care of their schedules. “We’re supposed to meet Seokmin and the others for lunch, remember? If I don’t wake you up now, you’ll never be ready.”

Seungkwan rubs at his nose, glaring. “There are other ways to wake me up,” he mumbles petulantly, affecting the baby voice he’s gotten so good at.

 _Yes_ , says the voice that appeared around the time Vernon realized his feelings, _a kiss would work_. 

He ignores it, like he always does, pretends he’s never thought about Seungkwan’s lips while he lay there, staring at his face before waking. Pretends he’s never wondered how soft they might be, that he hadn’t taken notice of the way they weren’t chapped like his own, that he didn’t know with unerring clarity that was due to the fact that unlike Vernon, Seungkwan actually took his sisters’ advice for skincare. He pretends he’s never thought about putting a hand against Seungkwan’s hips, rubbing at the skin until he wakes up and notices.

“None of them are this fun,” Vernon replies instead.

Seungkwan _does_ take longer to get ready than Vernon, so he drops back down to the blankets and scrolls through his social media feed a few minutes longer before getting up. There’s only one bathroom, and he hates fighting Seungkwan when he’s going through nearly all of his ten step routine, so he’s always waited until Seungkwan is mostly done before going in to slap on some moisturizer and call it a day.

“When were we supposed to meet them?” Seungkwan asks, lifting up his nightshirt. The skin that’s revealed is pale and smooth, no real definition to his stomach, which is unfortunately, he thinks with a frustrated release of breath, exactly what he’s into.

Vernon swallows, doing his best to keep a neutral expression on his face. It was easier, this morning routine, when he didn’t think and wonder about what Seungkwan’s skin felt like. When the hint of his stomach didn’t make Vernon want to lick it.

He somehow manages to keep a straight face as he opens his phone’s calendar to double check the schedule. “Two, at Seokmin’s new place. Mingyu is cooking, so we just have to bring dessert.”

Seungkwan grins. “Should we buy the usual cookies from the grocery store?”

Vernon laughs. “It’s not like they’d expect anything else.”

- 

When Vernon first realized his feelings, he tried to pinpoint where they began. He scoured his memories, trying to understand what moment might have changed this, might have made him think there was no one else but Seungkwan who could make him happy, and it’s disappointing to realize he can’t quite remember.

What he does remember is what made him realize Seungkwan was someone he wanted in his life, someone he wanted to spend time around.

Seungkwan hadn’t been much different in high school, just loud and obnoxious and annoying as hell for someone like Vernon, who wanted to spend high school pretending to not exist. He couldn’t understand why this one boy didn’t seem to want to let him rest in peace, to let him keep his head down and get through school without any notice, without drawing any additional attention to the way he didn’t quite look like anyone else, the way that his mom very clearly couldn’t understand a word being said around her.

But Seungkwan had persisted, forcing himself home with Vernon one day, and it was with a shock that Vernon had realized Seungkwan wasn’t bothered by his mom’s abysmal Korean skills like some of the other kids, wasn’t upset by the fact she hardly spoke to him. Seungkwan responded to her smiles and waves with identical ones of his own, and later, when they were in his room reading comics, he stopped to tell Vernon that she was the nicest mom he’d ever met, nicer even than his own mom, how he was really jealous of Vernon.

It was the first time anyone said that to him, and he remembers it, even now. 

From then, his heart had softened, just a little, piece by piece, and he thinks that may have been the pivotal moment for him. The moment when Seungkwan stopped being annoying and started being his best friend.

He hadn’t realized that he was in love with Seungkwan until much later on. The pieces had been coming together slowly in his heart, little by little until he’d been watching Seungkwan from across the dinner table, shouting and telling a story so loudly that not only were Soonyoung and Seokmin able to hear it, so was everybody else in the building, and he’d realized, _Oh_.

Because Seungkwan was loud and obnoxious and _always fucking there_ and Vernon realized he’d taken it all for granted.

His heart sank because, _oh_ , he loved him. He loved him with his entire being, and he hadn’t fucking noticed.

Suddenly, the fact he’d never cared much about being single makes sense; the way all of his girlfriends were jealous of Seungkwan made sense. 

Even now, a year into knowing he loves Seungkwan, he isn’t sure what to do about it.

He can’t destroy this friendship with a confession. He’s become too dependent on Seungkwan being there, being around and being available. But at the same time, now that he’s noticed, it’s like an itch under his skin, begging him to do something about it, to put himself out of this misery.

- 

It’s Seungcheol who really notices what’s going on. They’d taken intro economics together, been randomly assigned a project group with Mingyu and Wonwoo and from there, their entire group of friends had formed, each of them bringing their own friends together until it was hard to remember they’d once not known each other.

Seungcheol, despite being the oldest, despite every “dad” joke they’ve ever made, is not exactly the best at providing advice or guidance, but he tries, in spite of that. Which is why now, at this stupid apartment warming, when all Vernon wants is a moment alone, he finds himself cornered by Seungcheol.

“When are you going to say something?” he asks.

Vernon blinks. “About what?”

Seungcheol rolls his eyes. “The whole _thing_ you have going on with Seungkwan. I’d thought you two were dating at first, but obviously you’ve only just realized your feelings. So. What are you going to do about it?”

Seungcheol trying to give advice is the worst, but Vernon knows he’s not wrong. It’s getting to the point he has to do something about it, if their friends are noticing a change.

He answers honestly.

“I don’t want to make him worry about me,” Vernon says.

Because Seungkwan will worry, if it’s something he can’t “fix”. He’ll worry, and things will be weird, and everything will be awful.

And Seungcheol, with his terrible but somehow useful advice, simply tells him: “I think that’s for him to decide, right?”

He’s not wrong.

- 

Vernon spends three more weeks anxious about this, working his way up to saying something, so of course Seungkwan says something first.

“Are you okay?” he asks when they’re out for jjajjangmyeon.

Vernon’s in the middle of swallowing a section of noodles that he ends up choking on. When he’s finally got himself under control and breathing again, he wipes the tears at his eyes and asks, “What?”

 _What?_ Vernon feels like an idiot. He knows why Seungkwan is asking; he’s just hopes he’s wrong.

“You’ve been acting weird lately,” Seungkwan clarifies. “Distant.”

Several thoughts run through Vernon’s head. Does he say the speech he’s rehearsed for the past three nights, confessing his love? He never quite got it right, never really expressed the fact that he _does_ love Seungkwan, because the speech keeps turning into a listing of Seungkwan’s flaws, and Vernon insisting he loves him in spite of that, which he doesn’t think will do a good job of convincing Seungkwan dating him is worth it.

So he doesn’t think that’s his best option, but he also doesn’t like lying to Seungkwan, which is what all the other options amount to.

He takes a deep breath, and declares, “I love you.”

Seungkwan’s brows furrow. “I love you too, bro. So tell me what’s up.”

Vernon looks down at his lap, fiddling with the ends of his coat. “No,” he says, not looking up. “That’s the problem. I love you.”

The silence is deafening, because Seungkwan is only quiet when he’s sleeping.

“Oh,” he says at last. “Thank you,” he says after a few moments.

Vernon wishes he could disappear.

- 

They don’t talk much in the days that follow his stupid confession. He replays the moment over and over in his head, trying to come up with a way that everything would have worked out differently; where he wouldn’t have made both of them uncomfortable and awkward. Each time he tries a new approach, and each time he thinks it wouldn’t have mattered. 

The problem is that Seungkwan doesn’t feel the same way.

He believes that, because Seungkwan is avoiding him like the plague, and he doesn’t think the problem is how he confessed. He believes that until Seokmin and Soonyoung corner him after classes that Friday.

“What did you do to him?” Seokmin asks, angry.

Vernon knows they’re talking about Seungkwan, because if it’s Seokmin and Soonyoung asking, it’s always about Seungkwan. Still, he isn’t quite sure what they mean with their question. Shouldn’t it be what Seungkwan did to _him_?

“Nothing,” Vernon says, brows furrowed, because it’s the truth.

Soonyoung shakes his head. “You’re the only one who would make him act like this. So there has to be _something_. What happened?”

Vernon stares between his friends, one expression angry and the other confused, and wonders exactly what they mean. 

“Hasn’t he been fine?” he asks.

He’s known Seungkwan was awkward at home, around him, but he figured that was just because he didn’t know how to handle Vernon’s feelings without hurting him. But...

“He’s been running into walls,” Soonyoung offers. “And he’s quiet. Sometimes he looks like he wants to say something, and then he doesn’t.”

Seokmin pokes Vernon’s shoulder. “It’s weird. _He_ ’s weird. You know something’s wrong when he’s quiet. So what the hell happened between you two?”

Vernon debates it, debates keeping this entire drama to themselves before he realizes there’s no point. If Soonyoung asks Seungcheol, he knows Seungcheol will give an honest answer. It’s really only a matter of time before everyone knows.

“I told him I loved him.”

Soonyoung’s eyes widen in shock, and Seokmin’s expression quickly changes from enraged, to bursting with glee, to confusion. 

“Wait,” Seokmin says. “That doesn’t explain _anything_.”

Soonyoung studies Vernon’s pitiful expression. “I honestly thought you two were dating and Seungkwan was just too embarrassed to talk about it.”

Seokmin shakes his head. “No,” Seokmin says to Soonyoung, “he would have told me and he didn’t, but I thought...” He trails off, then turns to face Vernon again. “I figured he was in love with you too, so why...”

The pauses are killing Vernon, because he keeps filling in the blanks with exactly what he wants to hear, and he knows he’s getting his hopes up only to be crushed once more.

Soonyoung’s eyes, which were already wide, open further, and he gasps. He turns to Seokmin. “Wait, did Seungkwan not realize?”

Seokmin shakes his head. “There’s no way he didn’t realize, right?”

Vernon wants to climb into a hole and die, because he’s still not sure what’s going on and his pitiful heart is trying to tell him the answer is Seungkwan really _does_ love him.

“Well, if you two don’t want anything more from me, I have homework to do,” Vernon announces awkwardly, adjusting his backpack, hoping like hell to escape quickly from this entire situation.

Seokmin grabs him by the arm, and yanks him towards the subway. “No way,” he says. “I have a plan.”

Vernon doesn’t usually like Seokmin’s plans, and he sends a silent prayer to anyone listening for help.

- 

Seokmin’s plan is apparently to make Soonyoung and Vernon hide in the nearest table of a coffee shop while he tries to ask Seungkwan about his feelings.

Vernon pulls the stupid bucket hat Seokmin bought to hide his face further down, until it covers not just his eyes but most of his nose as well. “This is stupid,” he says, but Soonyoung quiets him.

“We can’t let Seungkwan hear. Shh!”

 _This is stupid_ , Vernon thinks. It’s the worst plan in the history of anything, because now Vernon is going to hear all the ways Seungkwan _doesn’t_ love him, which is so much worse than just imagining what they might be.

“You’ve been acting weird lately,” Seokmin begins.

Seungkwan laughs, high and shrill and not normal at all. “No I haven’t!” he nearly screeches.

Vernon can’t help himself. He lifts the hat up enough so he can watch the scene before him, entranced by Seungkwan’s entire being, his body language, his expressions, his voice. He both desperately needs to know what’s happening, and doesn’t want to know at all.

Seokmin’s back is to Vernon, so he can’t see his expression as he continues, but he figures he’s struggling to keep a straight face because Seungkwan’s reaction is to slap his head in frustration. “Stop that!” Seungkwan says, voice sharp and annoyed.

“Methinks you doth protest too much,” Seokmin replies.

“I hate you,” Seungkwan announces.

“Mhm,” Seokmin says. “But I’m right. So what’s up? Vernon tell you he doesn’t love you anymore?”

Vernon hears Soonyoung snicker, and he realizes this must be a common joke between the three of them. He flushes.

He watches Seungkwan intently, and Seungkwan reacts to the joke as well, but it’s different. His response is to freeze, the panic in his face clear as day. He’s flustered, out of his element, and clearly not sure what to say next. It’s not the first time Vernon’s seen the expression, but it’s the first time he’s seen it in relation to himself.

Seungkwan makes a few guttural noises before he sighs, takes a deep breath, and responds properly. “He said he loves me.”

Again, he can’t see Seokmin’s expression, but something in it causes Seungkwan to react again. His eyes widen and then narrow, a grimace on his face. “Did you _know_?”

Seokmin’s body is shaking now with what is clearly laughter — Vernon can _hear_ him laughing — and his voice is muffled as he replies. “We _all_ knew! Everyone but _you_ , apparently.”

Seungkwan groans, holding his head in his hands. “What do I do about it?” he asks.

Vernon watches as Seokmin’s shoulders shrug. Suddenly, he wishes he were anywhere else because this is where Seungkwan is going to ask about how to let Vernon down gently. He pulls the bucket hat over his ears to try and muffle the sound.

“That depends,” Seokmin replies. “How do _you_ feel about him?”

Vernon’s not looking anymore, so he only hears Seungkwan’s reply. “That’s the problem,” Seungkwan says, and Vernon knows this is the end. This is when he hears the words, final, once and for all: his fate. His heart drops to his stomach.

But what Seungkwan says next isn’t what he expected. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. I’m awful, aren’t I? That I didn’t notice until he said anything? I feel like the worst person. Like, who does that? I never — I hadn’t thought about him that way before and now — Now I can’t stop.” He groans. “It feels like I’m taking advantage of him. Of his feelings.”

Vernon straightens, flips the bucket hat up just enough that he can see a bit of the scene in front of him. Soonyoung lifts his head up and grins directly at Vernon. He holds two thumbs up and does a little dance in his chair. “This is your chance!” he whispers excitedly.

Vernon’s not sure what it means, but that’s when it happens. He hears Seokmin stand from his chair, and in one quick motion he’s lifting Vernon up by his shoulders, pulling the stupid bucket hat off his head, and plopping him down in front of Seungkwan.

“Surprise!” he says in a sing-song voice. Seokmin has the worst shit-eating grin on his face as he speaks. “Well, that settles it. Time for you two lovebirds to sort this out. Make sure to invite us to the engagement party!” he announces with a flourish, before grabbing Soonyoung and disappearing out the front door.

Vernon’s anxiety is through the roof.

Seungkwan looks like he wants to disappear, like he’s some sort of cornered animal.

“I’m sorry,” they both say at once.

Vernon laughs. “What do you have to be sorry about?”

Seungkwan fidgets with the coffee cup in front of him, looking down when he speaks. “Because I’m making it weird,” he says.

Vernon shakes his head. “I already made it weird, you know. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Seungkwan’s head shoots up, and he grabs Vernon’s hands in his own. He stares at him, his expression earnest. “You didn’t do anything wrong either, you know. I’m glad you told me.”

Vernon nods, not sure what’s happening, but he remains silent so as not to break the spell.

“What kind of asshole doesn’t realize he’s attracted to his best friend? Like, I don’t — I don’t know if my feelings are like yours, so I didn’t know what to say, and I felt so guilty that you’ve been worried about this, and —“

Vernon starts laughing. “You’re kidding,” he says.

Seungkwan shakes his head, expression annoyed. “I’m not,” he says, pouting.

Vernon knows he’s upset because it must look like Vernon isn’t taking his struggle seriously, but he can’t help it. The entire situation is hilarious, it’s fucking funny because Seungkwan’s issue isn’t that he hates Vernon at all.

Vernon throws his head back, the laughter racking his body. “You — You — You asshole, I can’t believe — Oh my god.”

Seungkwan’s expression is irritated now. “What?”

Vernon shifts his hands so that they’re holding Seungkwan’s, a reciprocal movement, and he grins. “I thought you didn’t like me at all. I thought you were trying to figure out how to let me down gently. And you tell me that instead, your crisis is that you might actually like me too?”

Seungkwan looks panicked. He repeats the same line from before. “Who doesn’t know if they’re in love or not? It’s — I couldn’t face you if I didn’t know, so —“

Vernon shakes his head. “Tell you what,” he says, still smiling. “Let’s just see, okay?”

Seungkwan looks at him, confused. “See what?”

Vernon stares at him like he’s an idiot, which, well, Seungkwan _is_. He spells it out for him. “See what happens, if we act like boyfriends instead of just friends.”

Seungkwan’s entire face turns red, and so Vernon’s does too. He can only imagine what images that might have conjured up for Seungkwan, and now, the same thoughts are running through his head as well. He coughs, awkwardly, and pulls his hands back.

Seungkwan swallows, and Vernon traces the movement with his eyes, wishes they weren’t in the middle of this very public venue because he’s thinking of all the things he’d like to do to that neck right now. Seungkwan finally nods. “I can try that.”

Vernon nods too, the movement more stilted than normal. “Cool. Great.” He’s not sure what else to say now.

They pointedly avoid looking at each other, until Seungkwan clears his throat. He’s still flushed, and he only grows redder as he asks, “Can we go home and start trying now?”

- 

For someone who said he was unsure, Seungkwan doesn’t act like it. As soon as they’re inside the doorway, he entwines his fingers with Vernon’s, pulls their clasped hands towards him, leading him further into the apartment, sprinkling intermittent kisses as he maneuvers them into what passes for their bedroom.

Vernon feels giddy, on a high he’s not sure how to come down from. They stare at each other, hands still linked, breathing a bit heavier than before. Vernon waits, afraid to break whatever spell has come over Seungkwan.

Seungkwan breaks it first though, pulling his hands away and for a moment Vernon thinks it’s over.

Then he watches as Seungkwan walks brusquely to the wardrobe where they keep the linens, watches as Seungkwan haphazardly tosses their bed sheets onto the floor, not bothering to make them. Then he pulls out a bottle of lube Vernon hadn’t realized was stashed there from the bottom drawer.

He turns back to face Vernon, a strange expression on his face, one Vernon hasn’t seen before. It’s intent, and focused, and Vernon feels a shiver down his spine at the thought of that attention centered on him.

Seungkwan grabs his shirt, yanks him forward and down until Vernon is down to his level, and kisses him again.

Vernon’s not sure why Seungkwan was so worried about everything. His feelings seem crystal clear.

They kiss, briefly, lips meeting and breaking, and a shiver runs down Vernon’s spine when Seungkwan lifts his hand to clasp the back of Vernon’s neck, holding his head in place as he licks Vernon’s lips open, continues licking the inside of his mouth until Vernon lets out a low moan.

He feels Seungkwan smile against his lips before they break apart, and for a split second Vernon mourns the loss of contact.

That is, until Seungkwan pulls him down further, so quickly and with such force that Vernon loses his balance and tumbles onto the blankets on top of Seungkwan.

The two laugh, like it’s one of their normal good-natured wrestling matches, but when Vernon’s hands circle Seungkwan’s waist to try and steady himself, the mood shifts back, the air growing thick between them once more.

They lay like that for a few moments, before Vernon asks, “Are you still worried?”

Seungkwan doesn’t smile, but there’s a playfulness in his eyes when he responds. “I’m not sure yet, so we’d better keep going. You know. To make sure.”

Vernon nods, the ghost of a smile playing at his lips. “Sure. We have to test it. For science.”

“Mhm,” Seungkwan responds, his own hands snaking around Vernon, lifting up his shirt and lightly stroking the skin in the small of Vernon’s back. A chill flows up his spine, and he shifts, feeling the growing hardness in his pants.

Seungkwan notices the shift, like he’s noticed everything about Vernon for the past five years, and wordlessly, he reaches down, reaching for the waistband of Vernon’s jeans. He doesn’t break eye contact at all, and Vernon feels his temperature rising, the awareness growing so that he feels every movement Seungkwan makes, even before his hands ghost across Vernon’s skin.

Vernon thinks about how often he’s fantasized about this in the last year, and tenses, flushing from embarrassment at the memories. 

“What?” Seungkwan asks, worry flicking across his face. “Did I do something wrong?” he asks.

Vernon bites his lip. “No! No, it’s — it’s perfect. I’ve just.”

Vernon thinks about it. Debates how he wants to phrase it, but at the end of the day, it boils down to the same problem: He doesn’t like lying to Seungkwan.

He feels his face grow warmer. “It’s just. I’ve thought about this. A lot.”

Seungkwan’s expression shifts instantly, a lewd smile on his face. “Oh?” he asks. “How am I doing?”

It’s playful now, not filled with worry like before.

When Vernon remains silent, Seungkwan lets his fingertips dance across Vernon’s stomach, just above the band of his jeans. Vernon inhales sharply.

“Well?” Seungkwan asks again.

“You’re driving me insane and you know it,” Vernon bites out.

Seungkwan grins. “Better or worse than the fantasies?” he asks, palming Vernon roughly through his jeans.

Vernon moans. “I’m going to strangle you if you don’t finish what you started right now,” he bites out.

Seungkwan laughs. “That’s not an answer,” he replies, but he starts unbuttoning Vernon’s jeans anyway. “I expect a full report afterwards,” he says lightly.

Vernon thinks it’s unfair, really, that he’s spent over a year in hell, lusting after his best friend, when this was the apparent outcome he’d have had the entire time. He thinks about all his frustrated and lonely nights, every sad shower session he’s had, and when Seungkwan finally unbuttons his pants he thinks he’d rather Seungkwan suffer instead.

He swats Seungkwan’s hands away, moving instead to work on Seungkwan’s pants, working more quickly and desperately than Seungkwan had been, yanking Seungkwan’s pants down until they rest around his knees, trying to kiss him into distraction while pulls down Seungkwan’s boxers too. It almost works, but in the split second Vernon takes to stop kissing him and assess the situation he’s just revealed, Seungkwan reaches forward, pulling down Vernon’s jeans and boxers in almost a single movement, gripping his cock tightly and stroking once, twisting as he releases. 

“I want to see your expression too, dumbass,” Seungkwan says, breathing heavily.

Vernon groans. “I,” he says, not knowing quite where he’s going. Seungkwan grips his length again, stroking him softly, slowly, teasing him. Vernon isn’t sure what expression he’s making, but it’s surely one Seungkwan hasn’t seen before. His mouth falls open, and Seungkwan takes the opportunity to lick his teeth.

Vernon thinks he’s going to expire. The expression on Seungkwan’s face is one he hasn’t seen either, filled with a hunger he hasn’t seen before, a desire that thrills him and confuses him all at once.

He hadn’t expected this to work.

Vernon grabs Seungkwan’s cock in one hand, the lube in another, the space between them messy. He pours the lube on his hand and on Seungkwan’s, which still holds his own length captive, then positions their bodies so they’re gripping each other together, hands moving in one motion, roughly, quickly, until Vernon cries out and finds his release. Seungkwan continues stroking, and for someone who’s always so loud he’s silent as he comes.

Which is hotter than Vernon had anticipated.

“Are you still worried?” Vernon asks, as he struggles to maintain coherent thought in the glow of his release.

Seungkwan kisses him, roughly, a kiss that seems both maddeningly long and frustratingly brief. “Not really,” he replies, grinning.

Vernon smiles back. “Good.”


End file.
